How To Make Takeout A Sure Thing

"Hello, Wok This Way?"

Note: To those of you who are becoming frantic at the thought of (a) the flammability factor in my house, given my last post, or (b) me burning off the stash so no one knows how bad it's really gotten here, no mohair balls were harmed to make this photo. Besides, I only left it there for one minute. The stovetop wasn't even on. Honest.

I know how to cook. I love to cook. I do it extremely well. However, there are days...

Days when the kid's doctor calls and says yes indeedy, Madame, your daughter has asthma and now requires two inhalers every time she gets a sniffle and by the way, get rid of all her stuffed animals, please, even though she's slept with no less than thirty of them since birth and if you take even one away she will not only go on a hunger strike but will picket the house with a sign that says "Bring Back Squeaks The Flying Squirrel"....

Days when your brain surgeon calls and....

What? you don't have a brain surgeon? Ah. Well. I do, now. Let's not even go there. I will simply say that "Madame, we need to set a date for the intervention procedure required for your aneurysm" is not tops on my list of conversation starters.

Hence, takeout.

Here is another surefire way to get takeout without complaints about it being the third fried rice night of the week (by the way, I make supplemental vegetables and other decent things for my kid. We have standards. Hers involve picking the healthy things out of the fried rice. Mine involve putting them back in without her noticing anything's different.):

Make your partner the same sweater he has already bought in stores three times. Make it on US4 needles. In 2 x 2 rib. In black.

This sweater's saving grace is that it is in Zara, which is the yarn of the gods. Its other saving grace is that this is the first time I have ever done a tubular cast-on, and I did it for a 2 x 2 rib, which is a wee bit tricky to do without it looking wonky.

I am more than pleased. This edge is so...tubular. No, I will not dance for you. I may have gone clubbing in the eighties but I am no Valley Girl and I have to draw the line somewhere.

I am, however, bored out of my mind knitting 2 x 2 rib. This pattern is a nice one, very hunky-masculine and exactly the kind of thing that looks really good on a guy. Have you noticed, by the way, that men have only recently discovered that women think they look hot in turtlenecks? Took them long enough....

Fashion tips for the clueless straight guy aside, this sweater is very simple, very nice, and a good bet for a first sweater for one's darling love. The pattern is called Rolf (which engenders many bizarro jokes because a friend of mine's husband is named Rolf and I regularly "work on" him...the sweater, not the friend's husband...). It's a Jaeger pattern (see sidebar for the pattern info). But...

I can't stand it anymore. I'm going to add cables because I can't stand it anymore. And I have to stand it. I am determined. Spiff has never had a sweater from me. My reputation as a loving, knitting partner is on the line. Because this is the first time I have ever been in a relationship with someone who actually wears sweaters. In fact, Spiff wears nothing but "jumpers."

Okay, he also wears pants. You knew what I meant....

So I've got to add something brilliant. Spiff is a big fan of Celtic culture and role-playing types of games, so I feel that I ought to create something not only lovely and sanity-saving but also meaningful. The back will remain 2 x 2zzzzzz...rib. The front and the arms are open for rampant addition of detail, deep meaning, Spiff's undying gratitude for receiving the nicest sweater he's ever worn, etc.

I thought of just adding a few simple cables to the front and sleeves, set in the middle of the ribbing. But that just didn't seem different enough from anything I could already get in the stores. I know, it will be nicer and so meaningful coming from my needles. Yeah. But there is something so disheartening about making a generic sweater, even if it's nice-looking and generic.

So here's my plan. Either I find a cable pattern that looks good set in the middle of 2 x 2 rib but is so complicated it will make me rue the day I began it, and yet will have the happy side effect of making me a better knitter in the end (despite the agonising sound of it, this is really a viable option because of the "experience points"...you World of Warcraft fans know what I mean...). And I have determined that every single project I make from here on in teaches me a new technique. So I'm covered with the tubular stuff, but why stop there? Why not become superhuman? Or at the very least, competent?

Or...I do something in the middle of the cables that is personal. Geeky. His World of Warcraft character's name in Quenya Elvish. Or maybe a love note in some kind of code embedded inside cabled lozenges. Aie. Somebody kick me.

I'm still working on the back of this thing because it's so damned boring. So there's time to come up with something brilliant for the front and sleeves. Any suggestions?

And yes, for the curious, the photo of this WIP was taken on a cutting board on the top of the stove. What can I say? The lighting was good. It's black 2 x 2 rib, unblocked. I needed good lighting. Hello, Wok This Way? Yep, it's me again....

May 3, 2005 11:49 PM  | Permalink  | Comments (5)  | Print